Back to reality!

Enough of my excitement...back to reality... Juz read william's blog post on Love...interesting post!! I alwaz wondered wat it realli meant by love...and a sudden thought struck me(tink it sounds weird)

Lotz
Of
Varying
Emotions

i thot this was pretty true to be loved & when loving sum1...at times u feel happy & loved, at others u juz feel ur whole world crashing down on you and all u can tink of is letting loose of tat 'water tap' on ur face!!!

ESpecially in tough time like now...i'm neither here nor there...one loves me alot alot, the other not knowing wat's going on, and me feeling the pain both from the love i'm receiving & the love i am trying to give...haiz...I'm not good at telling pple my feelings coz i feel it's a burden to them...so wat am i?my frens say i shldnt bottle up everything, but i juz cant help it....
I so wanna noe if the HE tat i likes, likes me too...though i tink it's prob not goin to happen...let god decide if tat;s goin to take place then.I wish so much tat i cld go away to sumwhere peaceful to think bout things...no distraction, NUTHING!!!

Char, alex, i so envy you pple...i hoped so much i was there where u r at this point...made me recall sum speaker who came to sch to speak to us during my sec days...i cant remember wat it was for though, sumthing like an analysis of the position of each child in the family (mainly 1st child, 2nd & so on...)This was wat he said:"the 3rd child of the family likes venturing overseas, dun let them go overseas, they will nv wanna return". Obviously it's abt me...me being the youngest & 3rd child of the family.

Ask me y i remembered this so clearly...I REALLY alwaz wanna go overseas be it to study or stay there for good...I duno y...i juz love being abroad esp down under!!!Beautiful place...no traffic jams...greeneries everywhere.I believe bein in a foreign environment,wld help me to find myself...coz alone overseas alot of things have to decide on my own & stuff no more maid to do for me... I ever wondered, was it this that i told my mum, tat she nv realli like the idea of me leaving them & spore...i mean apart frm the fact that i fall sick quite easily...haha. I will come back coz that's where my family is.

Owell...now tat in a few mths time, i'll be graduating...shld start looking for a job...However, this dream still lingers in my mind...When i was 16, mum says if i cant go to jc, then i go overseas to continue my studies...but ah i made it & here spore i stayed! Now that i'm almost 22, i still dream of tat wonderful place...hope in 2-3yrs down the working world, i wld ve saved enough $$ to leave to further my studies. Mabbe new place, broader view of the world, pple,relationships??

When will tat day cum?I'm truly looking fwd to tat day...although the thot of not being able to be w my family makes me wanna cry...but i wanna brave it thru'!!!wish me luck!!!

Okae lah...i kinda 'vomited' so much today...so much thoughts today...goin to read my bible & off to bed...wanna get up early to study tmr morning!!!

Back sooner than i thot i will lor...hahah...yeah!